chippedsoul | The Journal [Inbox]

...Perhaps. [A light shrug.] I went into this simply just wanting something to do. There isn't exactly a high demand for attorneys.

...No, of course. [ She shakes her head. He is right, and it is something she thought about, even early on. Nier had once asked her what she was going to do. Only now did she have an answer for him.

For a moment it looks like she is about to say something else, her mouth slightly open--but if that's the case, she changes her mind. ]

Have you... decided on a name yet?

[He hums quietly, tail lightly patting the couch.] I had some ideas in mind. [He starts to go through his bag, taking out a folded piece of paper. In it was a list that he presents to Susato. A few of the names were already crossed out.

Wild Harvest
~~The Serpent~~
~~The Yard~~
Nature's Plate
Morning Dew ] What do you think of these names? [He's already leaning towards one name, but he like to see what Susato thought.]

[ Immediately, despite being crossed out, her eyes are drawn to the Yard. It would have made a nice tribute to Inspector Gregson, she thinks, and she actually chuckles at the idea of them serving his fish and chips... but in the end, she supposes it is not very fitting of Kazuma.

...... ]

Morning Dew... exactly what you'd find on flowers when you tend to them first thing in the morning. Rather like new beginnings, isn't it?

You did seem determined to do things differently.

[ And yet... it didn't seem to fit with him either, somehow. ]

[A smile, nodding.] That's exactly what I was thinking when I wrote that name down. A new start, and a different feeling from the last tavern I managed.

[He scratches his chin thoughtfully.] Although, I felt maybe it was too gentle of a name.

[ It is reassuring to her that after all that time apart, she can still tell what he's thinking somewhat. She smiles in turn, putting a hand to her chin as well. ]

Too gentle... Well, I don't usually see that as a bad thing, but I can see why that would concern you.

[ It certainly sounded like they got some unsavory types in his previous pub, and while it didn't seem to be his intent this time, she knew they wouldn't really be able to pick and choose their customers. She looks at the two remaining names on the list, tracing her way down with her finger. ]

Then, perhaps Wild Harvest? It has... an air of mystery to it, like you shouldn't know what to expect. Something exciting. And also new, if that's what you want.

[A nod.]

The menu will be dependent on what's available for the day. So you're certainly right to think that. Most days the meat will be wild game, and since there's a garden...I thought the name suits it. Truthfully, I was undecided between Wild Harvest and the Morning Dew.

...Such a difficult decision already and you've hardly started. [ She speaks lightly and in jest, though truthfully, what he's just told her is a decent argument for the Wild Harvest. ] Truthfully? I think you could make either name successful.

So... what is your heart telling you?

[ Because yes, your sister is still that cheesy to give him a line like that. Sorry, but not really. ]

Hm. There is quite a bit of preparation before you open a place. [He hums quietly, looking down at the list, thinking long and hard on the two names. After a moment, he nods, looking over to her.]

I think I'll settle with Wild Harvest.

...Hee hee! [ It may not have been the name that spoke to her first, but it was still very much his. She can't help clapping her hands together, giggling to show her excitement, like when a particularly difficult law concept from one of her textbooks would finally click into place--either for her or for him. ] Well... then, congratulations.

You may have a lot of preparation ahead, but you've already taken the first step, I think. [ She says, because... heck if she knows how opening a pub is supposed to work. He's done this before though, hasn't he? So-- ] This is how it starts, correct? With cleaning, and planning, and... [ Then it hits her--she should probably takes some notes. ]

[A smile forms on his face, seeing her approval.] Inventory. [He adds.]

We do need to dress the place as well. Unlike the previous establishment, we're starting with nothing. And I admit...I'm not exactly one who knows how to decorate.

[ Ah… inventory—decorations, maybe some menu ideas? Fliers? Advertisements?

Idly, she pulls out a notebook that had been hidden away in the pink sweater that is indeed just a size too big for her. If she is honest, though, she didn’t quite think it was that notebook. She licks the fingertip of her pointer finger to more easily flip through it, and first finds "Kazuma's secret recipe," from the first meal they made together in Reverein. From there, she remembers the rest.

Abruptly, she shuts the notebook. It is only a knee-jerk reaction, but the irony of wanting Kazuma to be forthcoming with something he is hiding, while simultaneously hiding something from him herself is not lost on her.

Oops. ]

[He's not one to look into someone's personal, but he just happened a glance at the right time, the wrong time? And saw one of the pages full of writing. She's quick to shut her book before he could fully see the details though, more curious by the strange behavior from Susato.]

Everything all right...? [Something in that book she realized was not meant for him to see?]

Oh, yes. Sorry. I was... just a bit startled. [ Susato offers a small smile. She can't decide whether this is some kind of sign, whether she should push forward or maybe back off, but she feels as if she's backed off enough.

Gently, she opens the book again. ]

After all, these are the notes I was compiling about... you.

[At first, he was confused, but then...thinking back on everything he did and his reluctance to really talk about it, of course she would. So his reaction is neither that of anger or fear, just...a knowing smile, if a tired one.]

I'm rather frustrating to deal with, aren't I?

[ Oh. He... took that rather well. She doesn't quite know how to answer right away, but the smile she flashes in return seems to say either "What do you think?" or "Gods, yes." ]

Well, I wouldn't do it if you weren't worth it, now would I? [ Duh. Susato just... leaves her notes open, though he doesn't have to look at it if he doesn't want to. ] Most of it probably only makes sense to me. I just... wanted to understand.

What you weren't telling me, and why.

[He leans back in his seat, crossing his arms.] Well, what deep dark details have you gathered about me?

[Why snoop on her notes when she can tell him herself? Better to convey her feelings, how serious she took this.]

[ Oh, she would show him how serious. And she wouldn't need her notes for that either, considering she has already carried the weight of what's in them for two weeks already--if not longer. Still, as confident as she appears or wants to be, it doesn't change the fact that she is just a girl who wants to be closer to her brother.

Her nerves tingle and dance like Mr Sholmes during one of his deductions, and she realizes that--if she could just draw her inspiration from there, maybe she could get him to open up. ]

I don't know that it's about what I have gathered, but rather, what I've noticed. Because I know you, Kazuma-sama. I know how you carry yourself, and it is probably how I saw so quickly that you were behind the mask as Lord van Zieks' disciple.

[ She pauses for breath, which is slightly shaky, but nothing she can't recover from. ]

From the first time we spoke, about your father, and when I showed you what was in the Karuma... I could already sense you were shutting me out. Like I was too late somehow, though I wouldn't come to understand why until later.

At first, I thought it had something to with your transformation into a noctaere, but there was something else to it. Something else you feared even more than that. A fear I first saw when... you brought up Inspector Gregson with me.

[Sadly, Kazuma as the subject of the dance of deduction is not as dramatic when caught in the act. There's a slight clench of his arm as the only indication she's getting somewhere.]

Is that so...? What is this fear you claim that I have?

Well... you wanted me to know that you never intended to kill him, even though you acknowledged that you probably told me already. Which you did, of course. [ Whether he is obvious about it or not, she still notices the clench of his arm. Don't just see, observe. She doesn't know what it means, but she has to press on believing she is going in the right direction, with no one to course-correct her. ]

But then--when I told you I probably could have figured out as much either way, that was when I could feel it. You could barely look at me, and you said... that if anything had happened, murder would still be murder, no matter what. And I freely admit, up until my time in Reverein, I would have readily agreed with you, but...now...

I wonder if things are always so black and white.

...Are you reconsidering because of a possibility you've come to realize? For my sake? [He's not going to straight up tell her, he wants to hear it from Susato what she thinks he's actually done.]

... [ No, of course he wouldn't. He is going to make her earn it, it seems, but at the very least, she feels prepared for it. Her notes are a comfort in that regard; her voice is firm and unwavering. ] Yes. I am.

[ She takes a pause for a shaky breath, because it doesn't matter how confident she is, this isn't an easy topic to breach by any stretch of the imagination. ]

It was... something that 76 told me while we were in the forest. Call it a moment of weakness if you like, but I... confessed to him that I thought you were hiding something. I didn't expect that he'd actually tell me, mind, but... he did tell me about how he got you back, that day you went after Lord van Zieks. About how he had to remind you that he cared for you, no matter what you'd done, that it didn't matter if you didn't think you deserved it. You had that.

And he thought father and I might have to do the same thing.

After that, I... I think it started to sink in. The short list of things that would make a proud and honorable man like you feel that much shame... combined with the voice that kept trying to tell me I was too late. [ ...His voice. ]

...You... [ It's so difficult to keep her voice even. Even years of practice hardly prepared her for this, but she pushes through. ] You've... already done it, haven't you?

You came close with Inspector Gregson, but now, you've actually taken someone's life.

[He takes a deep breath, as she gets closer to the truth. His arms rest on his legs, gripping at his knees.] Several. [He glances down at the fireplace. It feels cold somehow around him]

I've taken several lives with my own hands. [It was not a one time incident, he wanted to be clear about that. All the more reason he really didn't want Susato to know about it.]

[ Several. Susato's breath catches, because clearly, even though she had figured out so much, she hadn't been expecting that. She swallows, then nods quietly in understanding as she processes the information. ]

I... both understand completely, because it explains so much, and I understand nothing at the same time. [ Is that... weird? Funny? It's absolutely not funny, why is there a part of her that feels a nervous laughter bubbling quietly below the surface...? Wishful thinking, perhaps? ]

Because... that still isn't the full story. [ Can't be. ]

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